14 weeks

If this point in my pregnancy were a movie, it would be titled return of the fluff (bloat).  Yuck.  Drinking apple juice seems to help the constipation but as for gas, no relief.  After a sudden, immediate disappearance of all pregnancy symptoms at 12 weeks, they are all back with a vengeance.  Worse than before, truly.  I’ve thrown up more this week alone than I did the first 12 weeks combined.  On top of that I have a chest cold and my sinuses will not quit draining.  Of course every time I cough I gag and have to fight to keep from throwing up.  I can’t say I’m not relieved – I was worried about the loss of symptoms coupled after no heart beat was found with the doppler.  I’d rather feel bad and have a healthy baby than the alternative.  At least I hope I have a healthy baby.  We won’t know for a few weeks.

I must admit I am annoyed that I’ll have waited half my pregnancy just to see this baby and find out if it is ok.  So many things could be wrong and there would be no signs of it.  The doctor certainly isn’t trying to find out, and nobody will entertain the fact that something could be wrong even long enough for me to vent.  They’re all rainbows and flowers and sunshine.  It frustrates me.  I know I’m not the only woman who struggles with the feeling that my doctor does not care about this baby.  That’s why I’m trying so hard to get a new doctor, but so far my efforts have been fruitless.  Never before have I more fervently wished that we had moved out of this town long ago.

In the face of vomit, agitation, and worry, time is crawling by.  I’m knee-deep in sleeplessness.  Everyone said pregnancy was going to make me tired – lies.  All lies.  So far no natal drowsiness has reared it’s head.  I would welcome it with an endless, tired embrace.

So, positive things.  In my current mood I’ll have to dig deep 🙂  Some days if I lay on my back I think I can feel a bit of a lump.  I’m not sure it’s not my bladder, it seems to shrink back sometimes.  But whatever it is, it’s entertaining me for the moment.  I may or may not have felt baby movements on two occasions.  Obviously I can’t be sure but the first was almost like a light brushing feeling.  The second was more like two pokes.  Of course doubters will doubt, but I’m going to stick with it being the baby.  Let me have my joy!

How about I finish up with baby stuff?  We have two things.  I know, overwhelming!  Truth be told it’s hard to buy little things before a gender scan.  We don’t have money to spare, anyway.  However, I did manage to trade a dress I made for a like-new diaper bag.  I know it’s nothing ground shaking but I was excited.  It was nice to be able to get something.  A few hours after picking it up someone complimented me on my nice book bag…

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Of course then there’s the book I mentioned.  I’m not sure how much it counts as a baby item – cut me some slack, I’m trying to bolster my spirits.

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I suppose that’s all for now.  I have a rotten, itchy rash on my hands and arms.  My OB’s nurse told me to call her if it isn’t better by next week and they’ll get me in.  I don’t know why, she’s not going to do anything, but maybe she’ll try the doppler again.  I won’t hold my breath for it!

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~ by Ashlee on January 23, 2013.

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