It’s been about a week and the waiting already has me on edge.  It’s even more on my mind now that my halloween job has ended.  Every twinge, throb, and pinch makes me pause for thought.  I’ve been reading and researching a number of things online.  I have a short list of questions for my doctor.  I’m constantly searching for a sign that there could be a baby growing in there.  Every time I’m around someone I want to tell them.  So far I’ve kept it quiet.  I’m on pins and needles waiting for the wait to be over.

I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy and anxious at the same time.  I keep reminding myself that there’s only a 25% chance each month, that I could have calculated my ovulation time wrong, that I don’t know if I can even conceive.  The excitement is still there, bubbling just under my reserve.  My fear is that somewhere in my mind I’m sure that I am pregnant, and a disappointment may crush me more than even I expect.  I want this so badly.  As unlikely as it is that we could be so lucky the first time trying, it would certainly be a welcome surprise.

According to my usual pattern, I should be starting between the 13th and 15th.  I guess we’ll know for sure, then.


~ by Ashlee on November 5, 2012.

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