I think people are actually less likely to eat on Mondays.

The door is open in the hallway, but the house door is closed and so are all the blinds. I have a candle burning but it still smells like two obnoxious dogs in this house.

Why doesn’t any of this make sense? I’m discombobulated.

So I’ve been working on my web page again. I’ve actually just been building up my pictures for the family section and it’s going okay. I’ve made a list and so far, since my scanner is not compatible with John’s computer, I only lack pictures of two people. Think about that. Out of five grandparents, thirteen children, twenty-two grandchildren, and seventeen great-grandchildren, I only don’t have pictures of two of them.

I’ve saved and re-saved the constantly changing list in a document so cleverly named “I don’t know what to save this as.” Don’t feel bad John. I wouldn’t have known either.

Do you know what it’s like to miss somebody so much, that it feels like a thousand gallons of glue couldn’t put your heart back together? Do you know what it’s like to look at their pictures and feel so broken, so empty, just knowing that if they were here with you now everything would be okay? I can’t stand it. But who in this world cares except for me? Nobody. Don’t start to say it’s not true. What do you care about the pain I feel anyway?

I was reading Sarah’s diary again today (read it or you’ll die) and I was yet again reminded of why I describe her as “A swirly cone of wit and dicey humor topped off with multi colored sprinkles and a free spoon.” Because it’s true. She just has that schwing of saying things that I call the shish-boom-bah. I guess that would make her the shish-boom-bah-er. Does that make us the shish-boom-bah-ees? I think it does. Let’s not keep on doing this question thing.


And what’s up with these dogs? Did I mention that we’re babysitting the neighbors dog and she is a royal pain in the butt sometimes. That’s not the worst of it. She makes Roxy a pain in the butt too. Damnit. So right now they’re going around in circles, around Roxy’s bad-dog/sleep cage (very effective when this other dog isn’t around). They don’t make any sense to me.

I can’t help but wonder if I’ll ever finish my cast page. Since the html involved went all fagtastic I ended up stopping because I was angry and I was in the process of moving. Oh well. I might someday. I’m also quite glad to report that my endless search for a new template may be over soon. I found a wonderful website with three wonderful designers and one of them agreed to work on one for me, suited to both our liking. What an awesome guy. I’m going to feel so relieved when I have it. I truly believe so. I feel so…… weighted down? Tired? Drab? Old? I think I will feel refreshed. Of course.

To quote Ralph Waldo Emerson, – “Most of the shadows of this life are caused by standing in one’s own sunshine.” Take that to heart, those of you who need to read it.


~ by Ashlee on March 19, 2005.

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