Butcher knives, Cheap mac-n-cheese

…and a little bit of the morning breeze.

Someone said today that I looked angry. They have no idea what I look like when I am angry. But now they know the look of my feelings when I’ve been betrayed. You make friends with people who don’t understand your life. Those people walk around not knowing what the fuck they’re doing half of the time because they never will understand your life but they don’t think it’s something hard to comprehend. It’s always more complicated than they’ll ever realize. (Things were going so fucking well.)

I knew better, didn’t I? I knew better than to make too many friends and trust too many people. Do you know why? Because when you do that, you get burned by somebody. You always do. Just like I did. You always pay for trusting somebody. Why don’t people realize that they can’t fix something they can never understand?

So I can sit here and watch water boil and listen to Led Zeppelin and the Doors, but these clouds aren’t going away. Clouds don’t just go away when someone’s taken your trust and destroyed it. And why was it done? It was done for somebody else’s personal benefit, and because they were mad at me for making a life choice that was good for me and inconvenient for them. Some people just really don’t think about what they might be doing.

You always pay for trusting somebody.

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~ by Ashlee on December 7, 2004.

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