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I haven’t felt quite so uncertain for a while. But its okay. I can’t breathe. But its okay. I have this feeling. This overwhelming feeling.

I really wish I had someone to talk to about this, though. But I know better. I’ve been here before. One person will always not understand. And it’s not their fault. They just wouldn’t. It would be uncomfortable and a bad idea to bring it up. Someone else will be too busy or will just not realize, no matter how you try, how much you need to talk. And everyone else.. well it just won’t work with them. That’s how it was before.

As far as I know, it hasn’t changed since last time. It’s only different, cooler people this time. Who will be there for me for a lot of other things. So let them opt out this time around. I can hold the fight alone for once and quit being such a dependent person. I still love them, they still love me. Though sometimes I feel like just releasing all of my secrets. Until the topic becomes elsewise……. unable to hide, I guess you could say, I’m not going to bog them down with my shit.

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~ by Ashlee on September 15, 2004.

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