Son et Lumiere; Inertiatic esp

I just asked myself, whats the world come to when our diaries are typed on the computer and put out for people to see. and then I thought, well, it’s obviously better. I never kept a diary before. haha. well. since I was going to explain the past few days, and I don’t feel like it anymore, here’s something to explain at least one of them. love ya. haha.

Well Walmart 3 am was definitely a success. I have to say of course that nothing so far has ever met up to the original Walmart Day. But Walmart 3 am was fabulous in three different languages. I don’t know which languages they were, but they were languages, I’m sure of it. Of course, though, the event itself had a few pre-events leading up to the big day. And they all happened on the same night.
–I should take this opportunity to say that I really don’t know if we’ll ever type up the story for K-mart Day. It may very well simply be one of those things that never comes. As a matter of fact, I would almost guarantee it. We’re procrastinators, and if we don’t have to do it, and don’t want to, we probably won’t. Unless we get extremely bored. But then, it may be impossible to reach that level of boredom. Who knows. No really. Who. Because I don’t. So here’s what it was.
At 10:30 PM on 7/21/2004 I got the message “Ducky (yeah, you’re an idiot.): okaymleaving now!” from Crockett, which told me that she was on her way to pick up Geri and then come over here. At 10:58 PM they arrived and rang my doorbell and then Crockett started singing and dancing to the “Do a little dance, make a little love, get down tonight..” song. According to Geri “oooh yeah….I said I was going to dance around till you saw us…and she starts dancing and sings ‘do a little dance, make a little love, get down tonight-AH!’ haha. the AH! was when she saw you in the door hahaha.” Because indeed she did see me in the door. I pulled down a part of the window blind and peeked out at them just in time for Geri to see me and crack up, then for Crockett to stand back up and look directly at me and crack up as well. I proceeded to turn the porch light off, and then Crockett screamed and laughed and I let them in. How else would it have happened. And I get the feeling that Crockett would be better at typing this, but she went to sleep because she has to get up tomorrow for work. So I’m doing it. Just so it will be done. And so, when I opened the door, Crockett handed me ice cream in a bowl and a spoon to go with it. Of course. And we all came into the computer room and ate our ice cream and laughed at many things and Crockett typed many messages to herself from my Yahoo so that her Yahoo would receive them and she would be able to read them when she got home and we enjoyed ourselves that way until we decided to go rent movies. And we did go rent movies. What did we rent? I know we rented Ghost World. Which I want to say is an awesome pick and I loved it. Except for the odd part. But that’s okay. I knew it was coming. We were warned. And we got Mars Attacks. And then we found We turned on the TV(necessary for movie watching) and, low and behold, what luck! We caught Conan on NBC! Before actually viewing the real movie, Crockett decided that she was very hungry, and we would stop the fast forward of the previews, and go to Taco Bell! Only the greatest restaurant ever. Open late, so you can eat great? Well, I suppose. But only the drive through was open late for us to eat great. They locked the doors. All in all I believe it was worth it. Taco Bell is here for you. 1-800-TACO-BELL. Call it. See what they’re here for you for. Then we returned home. We ate our tacos. And we watched our movie. The only one we got to watch was Ghost World. Because that was over a little before two and we decided that Walmart 3 am would have to happen at 2 am. Because Crockett was falling asleep. So up we went and headed to do Walmart 3 am, at 2 am.
Of course I took a picture when we got there, of the clock. Which said 2:20, but the picture didn’t turn out. Damn it. And as we were driving we saw lightning from a storm far far away. Or something. I may as well check the weather to see. And of course, at 2 am, Walmart workers don’t really have that many responsibilities. And so the Walmart shopping carts are just scattered all about like hell. And so we took a picture. And the picture itself signifies how many fucking lights Walmart has on all the time. Haha. To deter theft and vandalism. That’s silly. When we walked up to the doors, though, after taking that picture, we saw that they were both blocked by shopping carts, and that the censors were turned off. And so, being us, we went to the other doors. Past the Walmart workers, who were funny, and into Walmart. At 2 am. Of course when we first got in, we walked aimlessly around because really, when confronted with this holiday, how can you know what to do first? So we were walking aimlessly, and we stopped at a certain area. I decided to find Geri some cool sunglasses that reminded me of George in Blow. I didn’t find the exact ones, but I found some that were close. They merely lacked the decreasing shading. Of course then we found a bucket that happened to have our little friend falling on to some swivelly lines that I imagine were to represent water. They were very poor representations of water, but once again our little friend has not let us down. I noticed that Katie had picked up a scarf after we had exited the hats department. Which was, of course, one of the very first places we went. And I did not mention that. But we did. And so I surprised her and raised the camera. And she proceeded to cuddle up to the gumball machines with her scarf and camo shirt. We even learned something on Walmart 3 am. Crockett, paired with a scarf, purse, and a lot of gumball machines, costs $18.67. Knowing the fact that Geri and I were deprived children, she began a bounding rush towards the toy department, because the toy department fucking rocks. She found the noodles and she, Crockett, and I had a short battle with them. After finding my weapon of ultimate doom, we got semi-distracted and found the one and only, energizer bunny, and Crockett flipped him off. With all of his fame and fortune and his special little cuetip for his drum, I decided that his insane antics, while funny, are all for cash. Which means that he is a media whore. After going through the toys, and walking just a bit, I wondered if they had a bed and bath department. Because you know that those are just way too fun. And someday we’ll find a store that actually has what I envision in my mind for a bed and bath department. But then Crockett informed me that Walmart did have a home furnishings. And we found it. We saw suitcases and wondered aloud if Crockett could fit into one. And then she attempted to fit into a storage unit that I believe would have been made for a computer. We had decided ahead of time that if it didn’t have shelves, she could have fit into it. But then she decided to try anyway just for kicks. That one I believe is titled “Katie tries to fit into the desk.” We had ourselves a time in home furnishings after we found the crazy chair that felt really cool and a lot like the crazy pillow at Spencers, and of course we got smacked with a giant green ball, but then we noticed that something was playing on the tv. Come to find out that it was the Lion King and it was on closed caption at the part where the hyenas were saying “Mufasa.” We also found a program that was playing on one of the very large screen tv’s that bore an incredible resemblance to Crockett and Geri in Walmart at 2-something am. We took a picture. And the moved on. Crockett decided that she was going to look for candle wax. Because although Walmart crashes the economy in a million different ways, it provides us with a source of great entertainment, and they have black candle wax, which is intriguing. As she ventured to seek it out, Geri and I stumbled(okay, not literally) (well, almost literally; but not quite) upon some fake flowers. They did indeed look very very real. But of course, any self-respecting Walmart goer knows that Walmart does not have real flowers there on the fake flower rack. We knew that some people are very silly, and that they would never see the secret inside of the picture of the flowers that we took. Therefore I am sure that it shall remain a mystery to some for ever and ever and ever. After that, we heard Crockett calling out “Abraham, Chewbaka.” and we went to find her. She had discovered quite a thing; a duck shaped 3-d cake pan, some little duck cookie cutters, and some duck cake/cup cake toppings. “Straight sugar.” Of course on our way out, a really superbly cool woman was talking to us about a Millie woman who was a comedian and used to be on the Grand Ol Opre. I really wish I could remember Millie’s last name, because she sounds completely awesome, but for some reason it escapes me. And by the way, I have to tell the fact that I loved that woman we were talking to. She was fucking awesome. Haha. All in all, after the fact, I have noticed now that in the picture I took of Geri walking in front of me with the cool, jingly, pirate/carribean type hat on, was very cool. And we got, very much by chance, a giant, rubber goldfish that was suspended from the ceiling and full of air with sunglasses on. That in itself was quite great. There must have been some great confusion as to how much the back of Geri with the jingly crazy hat on would cost. She had four different price tags, and two of them I believe were discounted on the side. Of course I couldn’t not have a picture of Crockett in front of the foods department with her scarf and sugary ducks, so, I got one. Then in quick decision I decided to also get one of Geri pulling a “Pirates” look with the jingly crazy hat. It almost looks as if she is wearing lipstick. But I must stress that Geri despises makeup and is not wearing it. “hahahahaha…yeah, make up sucks ass” What better picture to have then but Crockett and Geri doing a “stack” picture with some random objects in Crocketts hand. After a lapse in time of picture taking, but not a lapse in time of fun, Crockett found a shirt that clearly displayed pictures of our little friend telling us how to avoid getting a job. And as annoyed as I am with people talking about getting a job(and as annoyed as I know Geri is, too) it was quite the funny shirt. It would have been funny anyway. And more accurate if I had been a lesbian or a bisexual. But indeed, the situation did increase my enjoyment of the shirts content. Of course, how could we pass up the opportunity to have someone hide in the clothes rack, once again, and be very very sneaky. So Geri did. I had alcohol on my head at one point in time, but a picture was not obtained. If I remember correctly it was a “fishing” hat and it said “Corona” on it. Following the point in time where we were on our way to put the pretty hat’s back, and head towards the exiting area, inspiration hit me to do something that I would really love to do to these pathetic clothes that stores like Walmart sell in order to grab as much cash as possible by catering to the popular majority of sluts and bitches. Finally we found our way back to the hats department and, sadly, returned the jingly crazy hat that we loved so much. I threw it on the floor first though, to take a picture of it for my memory. I could not possibly begin to describe the incredible fun that Geri and I had when she decided that she was going to follow me wherever I went. As anyone knows, when someone begins to play that game with you, you always, always, always, make it hard for them, and have fun in the process. Then, as Crockett once pointed out to me at school, I did an abrupt stop, and held the camera out in front of my face to take an unguided picture of Geri standing behind me. To hers and my pleasure, Geri happened to pull off a Conan O’brien face for the camera. The moment, much like the one of Crockett with her super sugary ducks, was a complete success. After searching for Crockett in the checkout lines, and finally finding her, we wandered sadly with closure out to the van and exited Walmart 3 am. As we turned on the van we noted that although we started Walmart 3 am at 2 am, our exiting time was exactly 3:18 am. Which was great. After failed pictures of departure because of the darkness of Crockett and Geri, we happily captured pictures of Gem City Delivery Center, which is a place where orphan and newborn cars live. Without a doubt, on our way home, there were numerous pictures captured of the lights along the streets. What else? Among these we brought in various business signs that glowed a pretty glow to us in the darkness. Those will be listed at the end of this document. Actually, I am going to type them now. But for poetic style, I am going to place them at the end of this document, so that I do not interrupt its flow. Along our way we managed to capture many lights, and even a drive-by picture of the McDonalds building. At one point when driving by the hospital we ended up behind a semi truck, and for some unknown reason, I decided to take a picture of a semi, on broadway, in front of the hospital, at three-something in the morning. The reason is probably the fact that Crockett pointed out to us that a semi was crossing broadway, but I suppose we will never really know. Okay, so we do know, but it really is more fun to say that we don’t. It spices up the story line a bit. Down and down the streets we go, trying to find Geri’s house. And although we all three know where Geri lives perfectly well, it was 3:30 in the morning. You try finding it then and not getting confused. Haha. After finding her house through much labor, (not literal labor), we dropped her off, and began to return to my house. We did in fact pass two cop cars on the way, who both ended up going the same direction, and we decided that we would turn and weave our way around the blocks so that they would not follow us. We happened to also be driving on a street where I was hit with deja vu like a van is hit by a freight train. I had a dream once, and in that dream was that street. We finally got back and came inside. I realized full well before we left that the door was unlocked all night, but it didn’t seem to phase me much. Crockett and I sat in my room and spoke about things for a few more minutes. And then she happily picked up the movies and began to head towards the door. We decided that I was going to lock the door, and I made sure to tell her the always wise advice, “Don’t drink milk and drive.” Afterwards of doing all of this, I retrieved my camera, uploaded the pictures, rid of the green tint, and prepared them to be placed on our fabulous website for people to see. Crockett, being home alone for the next few days, decided to go to bed, but leave her messenger connected so that we could entertain her, ect. Knowing that we kept her up for many hours which she could have slept, I decided that I was going to avoid sleep and entertain Geri until about seven in the morning. Elsewise, how could she ever pick out her birthday cake. So here we are, and it is 5:45 in the morning, and I am typing this up. The sky is slightly purple, and I do believe that this is the close, of the very beloved,

Walmart, 3am.
Ashley Furniture Home Store
The Comfort Inn
The Quincy Mall


~ by Ashlee on July 24, 2004.

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