leave this checked if you aren’t sure)

*leaves it checked*

not to target anybody… but I feel way too targeted not to bitch about it.

ppff… fuck.

did I ever mention how depressed I am today? and now I can’t even read my friends diarys. ppff. god fucking damnit.

of course I can’t wake up in the morning without someone oh-so-generously going out of their way to make me feel more like shit. why the fuck doesnt anybody care? probably because I never asked them to. well fuck. I’m not going to ask you to. if you don’t already, why should I need you to? fuck you. I think I probably almost hate you as much as I hate myself. and if you care, then you should be hurt by that.

I feel even more like a piece of shit. I’ve been buried in a fucking hole. and god knows I’m trying to climb my way out but I just can’t do it and nobody can seem to help me. even the people that should be able to either can’t do it or they’ve abandoned me. everyone I talk to reminds me that I’m being thrown away. everything I see reminds me that I’m stupid. everything I hear reminds me that I’m useless.

but how many people are going to read this and actually care, or try to do something about it?

and why the fuck can’t I do anything right? of course, I believe part of the disease is that it ends up being my fault. why the fuck does everybody have to get mad at everybody else? then it just makes me mad because they’re mad. and then I end up being mad at everybody just like they are mad at everybody. and god. why the fuck can’t they just fucking stop or not let me see? and what the fuck are they all mad for?

Not to target anybody.


~ by Ashlee on July 9, 2004.

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