Maybe inhaling these pen fumes will help

So the day started out dancing with my friends to ‘who do you love’ on the radio. Look where the day is now. Well what is copd anyway. Fuck it. I wish it would change everything if I didn’t believe in it. Ppff. God only knows that I think he knew. He knew it was going to happen. Sometime. God. He saw Nate marry again. He didn’t even get to go home. God. And I think Ballade 3 is pushing me further towards this breakdown stage they talk about. Why can’t I be with my family today. I hope someone is with Lisa. I suppose when my cynical reaction to death kicks in I’ll say something like ‘what timing’ or ‘what an omen.’ Well fuck that. God. My little rattie, while all the others are eating their cheese (how stereotypical–you would have noticed…) this one is taking advantage of the lid not having a weight on it to keep them in. Good for you little rodent girl. Seize the day.

Spork: you okay, you’re not… umm, energetic…
Spork: or effort
Spork: or anything
Chewbacca: everything cool…or just in a bleh mood?

I appreciate you caring. But I don’t want to yet. I keep fucking crying. God I keep crying. I can’t quit crying and the only two people who have noticed aren’t even here. Sometimes long distance love is a good thing. Thanks you guys. Yeah. Thank you.

God. Who do I get to listen to now. Who is going to go on an entertainingly long spiel about the relativity of the size of puppies feet and their destined size…. or destroy an entire foundation of some old-time saying or myth type of thing… or tell me about vietnam… or bowl out all the secrets of the special effects behind speed or harry potter…or explain to me how some random modern machine was created and thought up, and who came up with the idea and how long it took them to make it, and how many times they failed, and how many times they blew something up.?  Because nobody but you would. And nobody can take your place because you were too wonderful. And you meant so much to us.


~ by Ashlee on June 13, 2004.

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