And Maybe I Would Fade

If I could sail away
If I could fall away
If I could fall apart
Or die outside my heart

If I could mind a mind
Or fix a broken soul
Or dry these crying eyes
Or let my feelings go
Or let these people see
Just who I really am
I think I wouldn’t know
That I don’t stand a chance

Or if I could just fly
Up into the sky
And see the things I know
So little down below
I think I’d finally get
The things I never saw
And wouldn’t have to cry
These icy blue eyes raw
And I could kill this pain
Without this dreaded knife
Glinting off the bulb
Blinding me of sight

I think then I could see
The ones who really care
Or see the sun outside
Or feel my own fresh air
And see the things that thrive
On wishing me away
Or know what they would do
Upon my final days

The steps that they would take
The tears that they would cry
The thoughts that they would think
The way their eyes would sigh

And maybe then I’d see
Just what “all I could do”
And maybe then I’d know
Just what they will see, too

Maybe I’d not die
Each time the day’s begun

Maybe this is mine
My single chance to run

And maybe they won’t notice
The day that I am gone
They would never know
That I had sang this song

And who’d forget my name
And who’d forget my face
And who’d forget my laughing
“Lost without a trace”

And maybe I’d be dead
And they would never see…

Or maybe I am wrong

But maybe I would fade.

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~ by Ashlee on April 6, 2004.

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